I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
