she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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