I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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