I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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