Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
