Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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