Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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