Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
