omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
