So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
