carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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