i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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