We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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