things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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