Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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