the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
