The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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