So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
