We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
