god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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