I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
