i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
