So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
