You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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