Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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