Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
