After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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