He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ttyl tear gas
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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