I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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