Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
