guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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