God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
