dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
