Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
