The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
