I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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