He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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