I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
