Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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