I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
