There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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