Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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