the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Enjoy the penises
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
