So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
