When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
