Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
