at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
