Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
