i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
