Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
