im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Say something about gay babies.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
