just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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