She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
