My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
