I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
