you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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