i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
