we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
