Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
