Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
