people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
