it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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