he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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