We need to rekindle our bromance
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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