literally had 100 drinks last night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
