The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
