you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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