i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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