Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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