Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
