Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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